Fans love The Expendables film series for the action and the chance to see their favorite blockbuster stars in the same playground. Even though shooting and punching are the main items on the agenda, fans also get treated to marvelous jokes. The one-liners either sprout from normal conversations or are deliberately crafted to spice up the proceedings.
The high number of jokes is commendable, considering that none of the screenwriters for the four movies have done extensive work in the comedy genre. Are funny quotes necessary? Absolutely! Minus the humor, the franchise would have been something close to Code of Silence, hence less popular with fans of other genres. Thanks to the comedy, The Expendables isn’t just a gift for those who grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s. It’s a gift for everyone.
10 “Tax evasion.” - Doc
'The Expendables 3'
In the opening scene of The Expendables 3, the heroes extract Doc (Wesley Snipes) — one of the group’s founding members — from a dictator’s maximum security prison during his transfer on a train. Later on in the film, Doc is asked what he was locked up for, and he says “Tax evasion.” (The character got imprisoned for eight years after attempting to assassinate a political figure in a foreign country).
The Legal Problems are Over
Wesley Snipes was one of Stallone's most coveted stars when he conceptualized the franchise, so the line is a perfect way to celebrate the fact that he has finally arrived. The response is a nod to the actor's real-world legal troubles. In 2008, the actor was convicted for willful failure to file federal income tax returns and received a three-year sentence (later reduced to 28 months). This particular legal challenge is part of the reason why he couldn’t appear in the first Expendables movie.
9 "But after five days of agonizing pain… the cobra died." - Booker
'The Expendables 2'
Booker (Chuck Norris) saves The Expendables when they get ambushed by a small army of Sang soldiers. With the danger out of the way, Barney brings up a rumor of how a cobra once bit Booker. Well, Booker confirms that it’s true, only that the cobra ended up dead, not him.
The Indestructible Chuck
The joke is tailored to the hilarious Chuck Norris memes that keep circulating on the internet. Reputed for being a tough guy, the actor (and the characters he plays) seem to instill fear in just about everyone and everything. Here, it’s implied that he is so tough that even a cobra’s venom cannot do anything to him.
8 “Four and a half men.” - Hale Ceasar
'The Expendables'
Hale Ceasar (Terry Crews) becomes concerned when he realizes the villain has an entire army yet they are low on numbers. “What have we got?” he asks the crew, before providing a perfect answer that’s more of a dig at Yin Yang (Jet Li)’s height.
Size Matters?
Jet Li isn’t too tiny, but in a cast consisting of people like Dolph Lundgren and Terry Crews, he looks like the less intimidating one. The joke, a play on the title of one of TV’s longest-running sitcoms, leaves everyone on the floor, except Yin Yang, who believes there is nothing funny about it. Despite the mockery, he later proves to be a better fighter than most of his team members.
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7 "I now pronounce you man and knife." - Lee Christmas
'The Expendables 2'
Barney may be the leader, but Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) is the true star of the film series. The former SAS soldier is an expert at close quarters knife combat, and he demonstrates this once again during a fight. Disguised as a priest, he approaches his enemy and delivers the line before planting a knife in his skin.
Corny yet Fitting for the Franchise
Man and knife? That’s new... and corny too. But it’s a fitting joke under the circumstances. Christmas’ opponent is technically ‘married’ to the knife. On top of that, the joke reminds audiences that Christmas is excellent at this kind of task. He might be okay with guns, but when he has daggers, the game is highly rigged in his favor.
6 “Who’s next? Rambo?” - Trench
'The Expendables 2'
The second Expendables movie is packed with even more ‘80s and ‘90s action stars than the first one, and during the climactic battle, everyone comes together. When Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) sees Booker (Chuck Norris) joining the rest of the gang, he wonders if action hero Rambo is coming.
An Open-to-All Party
This is yet another cool way for the franchise to address its overcrowded nature. Well, Rambo is technically already present in the form of Sylvester Stallone, but Trench figures it wouldn’t be surprising for a popular fictional character to show up too, and aid the team.
5 “I like the mystery.” - Gunner
'Expend4bles'
Gunner (Dolph Lundgren) has always been the strangest person on the team, and this time he shows up donning a new wig. Barney figures it looks like a “sick cat.” Christmas says it looks like "tumbleweed.” Eventually, they decide to just ask him why he opted for such a fashion choice. Well, Gunner says he is trying to impress a girl he is talking to on the internet. When they ask him if he has met her, he says he can never do that.
Gunner’s Weird Dating Rules
There’s a lot to unpack from Gunner’s confession. His willingness to change his appearance for someone he doesn't plan to meet proves just how much of a weirdo he is, and we love him for that. Everyone else expresses skepticism, but Gunner sees nothing wrong, insisting that the girl likes men with the ‘70s Farrah Fawcett look.
4 “What are you doing here? Praying for work?” - Trent
'The Expendables'
CIA agent, Mr. Church (Bruce Willis), first meets Barney inside a church to propose a mission to Vilena to assassinate General Garza. Before they proceed, he informs Barney that another man will be joining them, and then Trent appears. Predictably, Trent is surprised to see Barney.
Good Old-Fashioned Banter
This religion-inspired joke works even better than the one delivered by Lee because it’s relevant to the proceedings. It’s implied that Barney hasn’t always landed the best gigs and that's why Trent stopped working with him. It would thus make sense for him to be found inside a church, praying for work.
3 “But it's only June...” - Galgo
'The Expendables 3'
Former Spanish Forces solider, Galgo (Antonio Banderas), might have charm and a high libido (as per his son), but he is not the brightest bulb in the pack. This is best demonstrated when Barney requests him to move out of the co-pilot’s seat because “Christmas is coming.“
Galgo’s Brain is a Little Slow
Trust Galgo to never imagine that Christmas could be a person’s name. His response is hilarious because it’s impulsive and silly. He never wonders how Christmas and a seat are related. All he thinks about is why Barney is talking about the festive season, yet it’s only June.
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2 “He wants to be President.” - Barney
'The Expendables'
After the meeting with Mr. Church, Trent teases Barney with a dinner offer, before taking it back and walking away. Church isn’t impressed by the move, so he asks Barney why Trent is so childish, and Barney figures it’s all tied to his sense of self-importance because he wants to run for president.
The Governator
This is yet another perfect case where fiction is used to make fun of real life. Arnold Schwarzenegger never had serious plans to run for president, but it was highly implied that he would do so after he completed his term as California governor. Here, Barney suggests that Schwarzenegger seems to have forgotten he is in a movie.
1 “You've been back enough. I'll be back.” - Mr. Church
'The Expendables 2'
Still on the meta-humor, Bruce Willis’ character also mocks Schwarzenegger in the second installment of the film series. During a conversation between Trench and Mr. Church, Trench tries to finish things with the line, “I’ll be back,” only for the CIA agent to tilt the dynamics.
Enough with the Grand Returns
“I’ll be back!” is undoubtedly one of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s most iconic movie quotes, so hearing someone play around with it is fun. Even better, Trench fires back with “Yippee-ki-yay,” referencing the memorable Bruce Willis line from Die Hard. The two must have had a lot of fun on set.
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