Fairy tale movies have never really been known for their wit. They usually go in more for grand mythologizing than introspective meta-commentary. But one movie franchise bucks the trend in spectacular fashion. Right from its first film released in 2001, the Shrek series has been known for upending fairy tale tropes in clever and hilarious ways.
The movies follow the titular Shrek, an ornery ogre whose life has been uprooted ever since he was forced to embark on a quest to rescue Princess Fiona. Not only does Shrek rescue Fiona, but he also marries her, becoming a hero in the process and making a number of colorful friends and enemies across four movies. With the fifth Shrek film currently in production, let us take a look at some of the funniest lines that the Shrek franchise has given us over the years.
10 "Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed… and he signed an eviction notice."
Shrek (2001)
Shrek's troubles begin when his peaceful and isolated swamp is one day invaded by a host of creatures from popular fairy tales. The audience learns that Shrek lives next to a kingdom filled with fairy tale characters, ruled by a despot named Lord Farquaad, who detests said creatures and believes they are polluting his kingdom.
This is made amply clear by the Three Little Pigs, depicted in the movie as three regular pigs wearing different hats and sporting strong German accents. Referencing the famous rhyme from their children's tale, one of the pigs tells Shrek, "Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed… and he signed an eviction notice." Not only is the line funny on its own, but it cleverly sets up the premise of the entire movie by taking a famous bit from a fairy story and bringing it into the mundane, modern world.
9 "Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make."
Shrek (2001)
Considering the hero of Shrek is a mean, messy ogre, the villain needs to be a real piece of work to have the audience rooting against him. Fortunately, Lord Farquaad (played by John Lithgow) is more than up to the task. He is the diminutive king of Duloc, the place where Shrek and all the other fairy tale creatures live.
Obsessed with the thought of being a powerful lord, Farquaad wants to rescue Princess Fiona from her dragon-guarded tower so he can marry her and become a true king. However, Farquaad has no intention of putting his own life in danger. Instead, he intends to let one of his soldiers do the dirty work, telling his assembled army about the impending mission: "Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." The line is a perfect window into Farquaad's self-centered, privileged world.
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8 "Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can’t find you or if I forget."
Shrek 2 (2004)
Shrek may be the hero of his franchise, but he is far from a heroic archetype. In keeping with the franchise's theme of showing fairy tale characters as three-dimensional, humorously flawed figures, Shrek has done a lot of things that really aren't befitting of a kid-friendly hero. Case in point, Shrek 2, when the newly transformed human Shrek needs to hitch a ride to the Kingdom of Far Far Away.
At first, Shrek and his allies try to waylay a passing coach. They then spot the coach owner's son, whose clothes are a perfect fit for Shrek's new human body. Pretty soon, Shrek has taken the son's clothes for his own, telling him and his father, "Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can’t find you or if I forget." You have to assume the poor son had to make it all the way home while shivering in his drawers, just before seeing the news and realizing he had been robbed by the new prince of the kingdom.
7 "Oh, don’t feel bad, Shrek. Almost everybody who meets you wants to kill you."
Shrek 2 (2004)
While Shrek is the hero of his journey, an equally important figure in the proceedings is Donkey, Shrek's loyal friend and sidekick. Played by Eddie Murphy, Donkey always encourages Shrek to let go of his crabby, misanthropic ways and let love in. Donkey is the best friend any guy could hope for, except for his unfortunate inability to stop talking at the wrong moment.
Like when Shrek finds out that his new father-in-law had actually hired an assassin to have him murdered in the woods. While Shrek is feeling crushed by the news, Donkey attempts to console him. Unfortunately, that attempt consists of saying, "Oh, don’t feel bad, Shrek. Almost everybody who meets you wants to kill you." The line may be technically true, but it doesn't help matters at the moment at all. Shrek could only mutter grimly in response, "Gee, thanks."
6 "This could be so much easier if I wasn't COLORBLIND."
Shrek (2001)
Donkey may be loud and tactless when it comes to doing anything helpful, but nothing beats his desire to help his friends to the best of his ability. Like when Shrek suffers an accident that leaves him in pain, leaving him with an arrow stuck in his rear. Fiona tells Donkey to go search for a special healing flower in the forest that has blue petals and red thorns.
While the errand is just a ploy to get him away so Shrek and Fiona can have some peace, Donkey does not know this, and he rushes off immediately on his quest for the flowers. He buzzes distractedly around the forest, muttering to himself "Blue flower, red thorns, blue flower, red thorns." The audience is left confused by the fact that Donkey keeps running right past several flowers that clearly match the description, until he yells in frustration, "This could be so much easier if I wasn't COLORBLIND."
5 "Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity."
Shrek 2 (2004)
After Shrek drinks a potion that turns him into a handsome human, Donkey also undergoes a similar metamorphosis as he changes into a spectacular stallion right out of a fairy tale. This, however, does nothing to make Donkey's personality any less annoying. On the way back to Fiona's kingdom to rescue her from the evil Fairy God Mother and her son, Prince Charming, Shrek and his friends are waylaid by the local law enforcement.
The party gets thrown into a classic dungeon setting complete with manacles and shackles and all the works. Despite being in dire straits, Donkey still does not know how to shut up. He keeps yelling at the guards because they did not read him his rights, including the right to remain silent. Finally, the thoroughly-goaded Shrek has had enough, and he yells, "Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity."
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4 "Somebody help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!"
Shrek the Third (2007)
After a lot of obstacles, Shrek is finally able to convince his royal in-laws that he deserves to be married to Fiona. But, just because he is their new son-in-law, does not mean Shrek has any interest in becoming the next king of the Land of Far, Far Away. Faced with the impending transfer of power, Shrek sets out in search of Arthur (voiced by Justin Timberlake), the true heir to the kingdom.
He does manage to find Arthur, but the latter has no interest in coming back to Far, Far Away. This leads to the most uncomfortable moment of Shrek's life, as he fumblingly tries to connect with Arthur by speaking in a "hip" way complete with the latest in "fresh" lingo, including phrases like "I feel you, dude" and "Straight trippin'." Finally Arthur has had enough, and he shuts down Shrek's embarrassing overtures by shouting, "Somebody help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!"
3 "If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful."
Shrek the Third (2007)
While Shrek is on his mission to retrieve Arthur, he comes across a medieval high school straight out of a John Hughes movie. There are the geeks, the jocks, and everything in between. After initially mistaking Lancelot for Arthur, Shrek finally spots the real guy he is after and follows him to the school hall.
In order to get inside, Shrek has to pretend to be a regular guy wearing an ogre mascot costume. To help sell the lie, Puss digs into his "costume" leg with his sharp claws, while Donkey obligingly kicks him hard in his other leg. Trying to disguise his true feelings over the sudden assault, Shrek could only whimper out, "If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful."
2 "Do the roar."
Shrek Forever After (2010)
By the time the underrated fourth Shrek movie rolls around, the central ogre's life has changed beyond recognition. Not only does he now have a wife and lots of kids, but he is no longer seen as a mighty and fearsome ogre. This is made amply clear at a birthday party where Shrek is in attendance. He is accosted by the father of the tiny but formidable child, Butter Pants.
With a permanently unimpressed scowl and a never-ending lollipop, Butter Pants has only one expectation from Shrek when he orders, "Do the roar." Despite Shrek's refusal to turn his mighty roar into an amusing diversion for an unpleasant child, Butter Pants has none of it. He continues flatly declaring, "Do the roar," adding to Shrek's already harassed state, until the ogre has finally had enough, and he lets out a roar for the ages.
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1 "Feed me, if you dare."
Shrek Forever After (2010)
One of the breakout characters of the Shrek series is Puss in Boots. A dashing rogue and assassin, Puss lives for a life of adventure and excitement. At least, the original version of Puss does. When Shrek makes a deal that undoes the events of the first three movies, Puss enters a new reality where he is a pampered and overfed house pet.
This version of Puss is different, to say the least. Practically round, and too big to fit into his famous boots, Puss has a new take on his famous phrase, "Fear me, if you dare." When Shrek first comes across the new Puss and can only stand and stare in astonishment, Puss unfolds his body in dramatic fashion and declares, "Feed me, if you dare."
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