Not only is Dan Aykroyd arguably one of the best Saturday Night Live cast members of all time, he’s also a comedy legend in the land of film. Looking back at some of the best ‘80s movies alone, you can see the impact the actor has had. So let’s take a walk down memory lane and talk about some of the most hilarious quotes from his projects.
"We’re on a mission from God." -The Blues Brothers (1980)
Dan Aykroyd’s character delivers this line many times during Blues Brothers, and it’s always hilarious. Throughout the film, the brothers use the line to justify their actions and get the band back together, overall, I think they succeed in their mission from the man upstairs.
"You should have a job on the radio announcing the time." -Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
The best picture winner of 1989, Driving Miss Daisy is what led to Dan Aykroyd landing on the list of SNL cast members with an Oscar nomination, because of his performance as Daisy’s son Boolie. One of his more memorable, and funny, lines happened when Hoke came to pick up Daisy at 7:16, which she was baffled by. This led to Boolie saying the fantastic line above.
"Gozer the Gozerian... good evening." -Ghostbusters (1984)
You know, when you are trying to take down a villain, what’s the harm in asking them to leave politely first? That’s exactly what Aykroyd’s Stantz tried to do as they took down Gozer the Gozerian in Ghostbusters, saying in full:
Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses." -The Blues Brothers (1980)
This is considered by many to be the best quote from Blues Brothers, and for good reason, it summarizes the energy of this movie perfectly. Elwood’s observations are not only factual, they’re funny, and it encapsulates his and Jake’s wild journey and their unique personalities so well.
"We’re not doctors!" -Spies Like Us (1985)
After everyone goes around the room greeting each other saying “doctor” over and over again – taking semantic satiation to a new level – Aykroyd’s Austin yells what we’re all thinking, they’re not doctors!
"You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob!" -Ghostbusters 2 (1989)
One of the reasons Ghostbusters 2 is better than you remember is how Dan Aykroyd’s Stantz delivers hilarious assertive lines at supernatural beings throughout, much like he did in the first film. In this case though, instead of addressing Gozer, he was shouting at slime for a science experiment he was conducting.
"It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?" -The Blues Brothers (1980)
The Bluesmobile is a classic car that was at the center of some of the most classic car chases, as Aykroyd’s brother laid out in his explanation of it. And it turned out to a be a pretty perfect car after Elwood went into all this detail, because the only request Jake had for it was to “fix the cigarette lighter.”
"Listen... you smell something?" -Ghostbusters (1984)
At the very beginning of Ghostbusters, when the guys are just starting their busting careers, Dan Aykroyd’s Dr. Raymond Stantz asks this vital question as they all examine the library where the supernatural being was reported.
"No Problem. If I can get a dessert down him, think you can throw in a couple of Paul Bunyan hats for the kids?" -The Great Outdoors (1988)
When the family goes out for dinner, Dan Aykroyd’s Roman asks about the Old’ 96er, and they find out if someone eats it the rest of the meal is free. John Candy’s Chet orders the massive steak, and proceeds to eat it. In the final moments, after the last bits of the steak are eaten, the chef says he needs to get it all down, including the gristle. And while The Great Outdoors is full of great John Candy quotes, in this scene he’s too full to say anything and the hilarious line came from Aykroyd.
"I'll have some toasted white bread, please." -The Blues Brothers (1980)
It’s bits like this one that made me remember why The Blues Brothers is one of the best movies based on SNL characters. This interaction, where Elwood asks for only white bread, which is such an odd order, features Aykroyd, John Belushi and Aretha Franklin going back and forth about their funky diner orders. On top of this being a hilarious line, it also tips off the cook that his pals The Blues Brothers are out of prison and on a mission from god.
"He spurned my sauce!" -Neighbors (1981)
After Dan Aykroyd’s Vic says it’d be best if he and Ramona left, Enid begs them to stay. However, his character further explains why they should go by exclaiming that John Belushi’s Earl “spurned my sauce!” What can I say, when you put these two actors in a scene together, you get comedy gold.
"Mom, if you want trouble - I am talking about scorched earth, no survival, wholesale destruction... body-bags and fire trouble then you just keep comin' on!" -Doctor Detroit (1983)
In an impassioned speech to Mom, who is a Chicago Crime boss, not Aykroyd’s character’s mother, his character Clifford gives an impassioned speech as his alias Doctor Detroit. What makes this truly hilarious is the fact that Clifford is actually a comparative literature professor, not a deadly chiropractor, so this speech was totally out of the norm for him.
"What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff." -Ghostbusters (1984)
As Venkman (Bill Murray) and Stantz (Aykroyd) tried to convince the mayor to let the Ghostbusters fight the evil beings, they used this biblically-based argument to convince him. What can I say? When you put these SNL alums in a scene together you get comedy perfection, which is easily the best thing about Ghostbusters!
"With the exception of you and canned cling peaches I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone or anything that doesn't know you should never leave your car keys in the ignition." -Dragnet (1987)
When you put Tom Hanks, one of the best SNL hosts, with Aykroyd, one of the best SNL cast members, you are bound to get something funny, which is what happened with Dragnet. And one of its funniest moments came after the crime-solvers car was stolen and Aykroyd’s Joe Friday insulted his partner, Hanks’ Streebek, in the most creative way.
"Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now." -The Blues Brothers (1980)
When Jake and Elwood are being tailed by Bob and The Good ‘Ol Boys, Elwood utters this memorable expression after their rear window gets shot. While I’ve never been in this exact situation, this quote is certainly applicable anytime I get flustered on the road.
"One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?" -Trading Places (1983)
While approaching the New York Commodities Exchange, Aykroyd’s character Louis gives a hilariously persuasive speech in an attempt to get everyone on board with his plan. He asks them to “think big, and think positive,” before getting into the “carnage” they’re about to go through in “the pits” of this profession, as you can read in full:
Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
"Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!" -Ghostbusters (1984)
Stantz accidentally thought of something from his childhood that could never hurt them, and that just happened to be Mr. Stay Puft. However, that turned out to be a pretty serious enemy for the Ghostbusters, and it resulted in all of them getting covered in marshmallow fluff.
"Hard to believe its been only 15 minutes since I destroyed the world. In another 15 minutes, it'll all be over. Such a short time to destroy a world. And to think my high school guidance counselor said I'd never amount to anything." -Spies Like Us (1985)
Going from your average government worker to taking on a top-secret mission is quite the career jump. I think Dan Aykroyd’s character Austin reflected on this point perfectly as he spoke about what his and Chevy Chase’s characters had done, and how his high school guidance counselor didn’t think he’d do much.
"Ah, Dr. Jones. I'm Art Weber. I spoke with your assistant and managed to secure three seats, but there might be a slight inconvenience as you will be riding on a cargo full of live poultry." -Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom (1984)
In Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Aykroyd’s Art Webber secures Indy, Willie Scott and Short Round transport on a plane so they can escape Shanghai. While it’s only a brief cameo, this funny line about less-than-ideal transportation is pretty iconic.
"Well, we sing to it, talk to it, and say supportive, nurturing things to it." -Ghostbusters 2 (1989)
Stantz and Spengler were showing Venkman and Zeddemore their new mood slime. When Murray’s character asked how they’d been testing this gooey solution impacted by mood, Aykroyd's character responded with the above, which is obviously very serious mode of scientific experimentation.
"Try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't you offer a little... constructive criticism?" -The Blues Brothers (1980)
The Blues Brothers is all about siblings, and this line showed off Jake and Elwood’s brotherly bond perfectly, as Aykroyd’s character quipped back at Belushi’s as he asked for “constructive criticism” rather than his negative attitude.
"Calm yourself, Earl. I'm not gonna take you to court. That'd make for bad blood. We don't want any bad blood, especially since we'll be living next door to you for a long, long time." -Neighbors (1981)
Throughout Neighbors, Dan Aykroyd’s Vic drives John Belushi’s Earl crazy, leading him to want to do some wild things. In this scene, after Earl goes a bit cuckoo over the whole situation, Aykroyd’s character explains that after all this fuss and destruction, they won’t press charges because he and Ramona aren’t going anywhere.
"Well, this is great. If the ionization-rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense, of course." -Ghostbusters (1984)
In Ghostbusters, Aykroyd’s character is really jazzed about all the tech they have for busting supernatural beings. However, when it came time to defeat them, he was ready to “bust some heads,” but in a “spiritual sense,” duh.
"I warn you, I'm a chiropractor! I will use my skills negatively!" -Doctor Detroit (1983)
Clifford’s alias, Doctor Detroit, is a chiropractor who is reportedly trying to take over Smooth’s turf. That alone is a silly premise, but it’s even funnier when Akyroyd’s character tries to assert himself as the doctor through lines like this.
"Ungrateful little yuppie larva. After everything we did for this city." -Ghostbusters 2 (1989)
While Ghostbusters saw our favorite supernatural exterminators saving the city, in Ghostbusters 2 they are facing the consequences of the destruction caused by the events of the first film. The boys are understandably a bit salty about this, and Stantz lets his annoyance out by insulting a birthday party of kids with this hilarious line.
"Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs. We’re ready to believe you." -Ghostbusters (1984)
After the boys form the Ghostbusters, they decide to make a commercial to advertise their services. Obviously, their elevator pitch is genuinely hilarious as well as informative.
"They're spies - but, not necessarily on our side." -Spies Like Us (1985)
It’s always fun when the title of the movie gets thrown into the dialogue, which is what Chevy Chase’s Emmett did when he asked “Well, what are you saying? That they’re spies like us?” However, Aykroyd’s Austin quickly corrected him with the hilarious line above.
"When are you worried about my driving, Mr. l-Like-Life-In-The-Fast-Lane?" -Dragnet (1987)
As Streebek and Friday are speeding to rescue Connie, Tom Hanks’ character, who is typically the wilder and freer one, yells at his partner to be careful. This leads to Aykroyd’s character hilariously saying the above.
In The Great Outdoors two families, one of whom is much more outdoorsy than the other, find themselves going against each other. Dan Aykroyd plays John Candy’s brother-in-law and fully realizes that his relative is more fit for the outdoors than he is, which leads to this funny quote.
"Hey! Does this pole still work?" -Ghostbusters (1984)
After the boys decide to pursue ghostbusting full-time they need to find a base, and it comes to them in the form of an old firehouse. While touring the building Statnz is enamored by the firepole, and he humorously asks if it still works. Then, after proving it’s safe to use by sliding down it, he says:
Wow. This place is great! When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey! We should stay here, tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.
"If you want my secrets, you'll eat my sandwich!" - My Stepmother is an Alien (1988)
In My Stepmother is an Alien, Kim Basinger plays Celeste the alien, and she’s on Earth doing research to save her own planet. However, things take a turn when she falls in love with Steve Mills (Aykroyd). So, as the two navigate their relationship, which is obviously odd, silly quotes are flying left and right, like this aggressively delivered line from the comedic actor.
Listen, Stantz loves his job and he loves new scientific discoveries, so when he heard Dana’s bathtub tried to eat her, he was super excited. Although, he had to tamper that enthusiasm after he realized that while this might be scientifically exciting, it’s actually quite horrifying for literally everyone else.
Dan Aykroyd truly is a comedy legend, and that was on full display in the 1980s when he starred in these incredible films. Overall, these quotes go to show why he’s considered one of the best of the best when it comes to comedy.
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